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"What They Said, What They Really Meant"

WHAT THEY SAID: Excuse me sir. We just want to let you know that you can't give out sandwiches on private property. You can only give them out over here on the sidewalk.

WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT: Excuse me. You are passing out sandwiches to these scum on private property. Although they are on the sidewalk, they are still on private property. Even though there is no sign saying "Private Property", or a line separating the public sidewalk from the private sidewalk, you handed out sandwiches on private property , because that part of the sidewalk is against the wall of the store, and the store is private property. We really don't want you passing out sandwiches on the public sidewalk, but we can't do anything about it because it's public property. You see, the Mill Avenue Merchants of Tempe, AZ really don't want street people on the sidewalks at all. It's bad for Tempe's image. They're dirty, filthy and disgusting. They loiter and ask the patrons for spare change. When you give sandwiches to street people, it just encourages them to keep coming here, when Tempe doesn't want them here at all.


"@#$%^&"

on Mill Ave
my 7-year old daughter
and I
walk

I
wearing black
a top hat
studded belt of black leather
Dickies shorts past my knees
argyle socks
Vans shoes

my daughter
garbed
in similar fashion

a car
of three college-aged
athletic looking men
passes by us
shouts of "faggots!"
hurled at us

my daughter
continues walking
unaware
of what
the word "faggot"
really means


"3 Journal Entries from the Psych Ward"

***********************************************
I just had dinner in the psych ward. Oh God, why am I here? Why has the depression consumed me? I feel like a bad Christian. Christians aren't supposed to be depressed.

*************************************************
On the orange couch at St. Luke's Hospital psych unit, I retreat. TVs blare everywhere as background noise. I can't stand the background noise, so I hide away in the corner. They talked about shock treatment at dinner. I hope that they don't give me shock treatment. I hear my Dr. likes to give shock treatment. I told my wife that on the phone and she cried. She doesn't want me to get shock treatment either.

*****************************************************
It just hit me. I'm locked up in here. I can't sleep next to my wife tonight. I can't hug and kiss my 6 year-old daughter and my little baby. I'm locked up.



"#21 Psalm"(inspired by 1 Kings 19)


fear permeates my soul
I feel
as if I am the only one seeking shelter, running to the broom tree my body nourished my thirst quenched I journey to the cave my body resting my body sleeping I am awakened come into the presence of GOD my will to live is devastated I am overwhelmed death would be a comfort to me a storm a mighty hurricane of psychosis and obsessive worries attacks my mind thunder erupts in my ears but where is the presence of GOD an earthquake shaking the foundation of my being my world is being rattled out of control but where is the presence of GOD an inferno bright and burning scorching my spirit but where is the presence of GOD I press in despite the storm despite the tremor despite the wildfire I press in GOD is larger than my circumstance I press in amidst the turmoil a quiet speaks the world around me dissipates the quiet speaks loudly now do you hear it do you feel it that voice not the voice I recognize in my head when I think but the voice of another that quiet and comforting voice here is the presence of GOD I rest in the lap of my ABBA I talk, but sssshhhhhhh when I talk, I can't hear the quiet the calming voice speaking to me loving me outside my world a chaos but the quiet, calming voice wrapping me in GOD's presence protecting me press in, press in do you hear it do you feel it listen to the quiet here is the presence of GOD
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