"The Christian Comfort Zone"

Welcome to the Christian Comfort Zone
Christian doctors   Christian lawyers   Christian plumbers
Christian amusement parks   Christian music   Christian rock
Christian nightclubs   Christian dating services
Christian parties   Christian movies   Christian television
Christian radio   Christian schools   Christian t-shirts
Christian comedy   Christian superstars   Christian
satellites   Christian restaurants   Christian pizza
Christian cars   Christian business   Christian key chains
Christian sunglasses   Christian baseball caps
Christian patriotism   Christian American   Christian
haircuts   Christian coffee house   Christian wall paper
Christian toys   Christian books   Christian yellow pages
Christian tea   Christian soap operas
Christian imitators
Christian isolation
Christian segregation
Christian posers
sitting on their Christian butts
separating themselves from everything not Christian
but copying the non-Christian ideas
and making them Christian

Christian = generic
generic = Christian
generic
generic drugs   generic bologna   generic beans
generic kleenex   generic macaroni & cheese   generic
spaghetti   generic rice   generic bread   generic milk
generic juice   generic fruit   generic spam
generic
imitators of name brands
Christian
imitators of the world
isolating themselves
living in a bubble
ignoring the cries of society
turning their backs on the AIDS victim
forgetting the homeless
unless there's a television camera
they love to draw attention to themselves
with their big pro-life rallies
and just make a lot of noise
but really offer no solution
picketing "The Last Temptation of Christ"
but not explaining who Christ really is
they're shocked when confronted with the non-Christian
so they steal from them
taking their ideas
and making them Christian

What makes an object Christian?
I know
the fish insignia on the back of a car?
Christian
wake up
Christian
get real
Christian
get off your Christian butt
and do something
Christian
get out of your comfort zone
the world is dying

---

"Where Would Jesus Go"

Jesus
walking the streets in the city
on a midsummer's night
He enters a bar
and seats Himself at a table
to the right of Him
there is a man and a woman
eying each other
they are married
but not to each other
when they finish their drink
they will engage in adultery
because the family life at home
is just too painful
Jesus mourns for this couple
He wishes that He could help them
but they would not want it
if He offered
turning to His left
Jesus notices a middle-aged man
hunched over the bar
with a glass of beer
clutched in his right hand
he is divorced and is an alcoholic
Jesus approaches the man
and seats Himself to his right
the broken man turns toward Jesus
sobbing uncontrollably
unashamed
Jesus grabs the broken man
and hugs him

the next night
Jesus walks into a punk club
loud, fast music
drowns out all chances of having a conversation
in front of the stage
youth with shaved heads
wearing leather and spikes
violently throw themselves into each other
and enjoy it
when the band is done with their gig
Jesus approaches the youths
and engages them in conversation
a nazi skinhead is amazed
because a jew is showing him more love
than he has ever experienced before

another instance
Jesus walks into the hospital
He enters the taboo section
the section of the AIDS patients
there is a heaviness in the air
because the patients have come here
to die
Jesus approaches a young man about 23
the young man was infected with the virus
from another man named Ralph
who didn't tell him
that he was HIV positive
Jesus reaches out His hand
and the young man grabs it
Jesus and the young man
weep together

the home for the elderly
another place that Jesus goes to
lonely people are brought here to die
and to be forgotten
Jesus approaches a woman
once beautiful but now decrepit
her soft skin
now wrinkled like a prune
Jesus sits at the foot of her bed
and listens to her stories of youth
when she is finished with one
she quickly tells another
eager to be heard and noticed
hour upon hour
Jesus listens to her with interest

on the streets again
Jesus walks alone looking for hurting people
He approaches a prostitute
broken and battered
her pimp has pounded her black-and-blue
she doesn't want to sell herself
but she has to
in order to support her drug habit
she is addicted and unloved
with compassion Jesus reaches out to her
and for the very first time
she knows what true love is

lying on the sidewalk
a homeless man is trying to sleep
but is unable to
because of the cold
Jesus looks down at him
and notices that he does not have a shirt
removing His own shirt
Jesus gives His shirt to the homeless man
and walks down the street some more

sunday morning
Jesus enters a church
the carpet is brightly covered
the pews are padded
the windows decorated with different colors
taking a seat in the back
Jesus notices a man in a five-hundred dollar suit
screaming about money
the congregation are clones
every man - a suit and tie
every woman - a pastel colored dress
right away an usher asks Jesus to leave
because He is not wearing a shirt

Jesus is not offended
because He has other places to go to
places like
bars
punk clubs
hospitals
rest homes
and the streets

places
of the hurting people

---

"Various Voices of Street Kids"

        
here am I 
   on Mill ave
with a drum
   and my dog
I sing a song
   to you
"Spare change
   Can you spare some change?"
don't worry how
   I spend it
I just need
   to spange
         
here am I
   telling you a joke
about a father
   who molests
his daughter
does this offend you
   why
I've been molested
   by my family
don't mean nothin'
         
here am I
my stepfather
   molested me
         
here am I
my mother
   molested me
         
here am I
I've been
   molested too
         
here am I
   full of anger
my parents used plywood
   for a door
because I kept
   putting my head
through it
I don't have
   an anger problem
I only hit
   my girlfriend once
         
here am I
   on the street
do you like me
   for a price
you can have
   your way
I just need
   some drugs
         
here am I
   full of rage
rage at my family
rage at society
rage at you
rage at God
cd blasting angst
   to my brain
"why have you forsaken me
in your thoughts
   forsaken me
in your heart
   forsaken me"
         
here am I
   do you see me
here am I
   do you hear me
here am I
   do you notice
here am I
   can you love me



"Robobum"
         
a hero among the homeless
Robobum
armed with a can of spray paint
he travels from coast to coast
leaving his mark behind
on the walls
on the sidewalks
on the boxcars
"Robobum was here"
         
a homeless man in awe speaks of him
   "I heard he was in Phoenix
   not too long ago
   I didn't see him
   but my friend Alfred did
   he's a mental
   you know - a crazy
   his pants are disgusting
   he never changes them
   he's not like me
   he's a train traveler
   I travel on the highways"
         
just think
maybe one of you has seen Robobum
maybe that homeless person
   that you laughed at
   that you passed
   that you forgot
maybe he just wasn't a homeless person
maybe he was Robobum
but what makes Robobum different
than all the other homeless
nothing but a can of spray paint
maybe that homeless person
   that you laughed at
   that you passed
   that you forgot
maybe he wasn't Robobum
but maybe he was
         
   somebody




"Shame"
          
when you have a mental illness
you do everything you can
to hide it
         
when someone asks you
"How are you doing?"
you don't say
"I'm kind of psychotic right now
The voices are really bugging me"
you don't say
"I'm doing terrible
For no reason at all
I just want to die"
you don't say
"I feel like
I'm out of my body right now
Thanks for asking"
instead you lie
and just say "OK"
         
when you have a mental illness
you don't ask your pastor for prayer anymore
you did once 
and he just walked away
instead you say your request
is "unspoken"
or you don't ask for 
prayer at all
       
when you have a mental illness
you don't tell your friends
you did that too
they just said
"You're dumping on me"
and then
they aren't your friends anymore
        
when you have a mental illness
you don't tell your work
that's the last thing you
want to do
instead you go to work
psychotic, anxious and depressed
when it gets too hard
you cry in the bathroom
for five minutes
and you hope they don't notice
because you don't
want to lose your job
        
when you have a mental illness
you don't tell your family
but they seem to notice anyway
         
when you have a mental illness
you are controlled by
an overwhelming shame
you want help
but you are just
too afraid to ask



"Two Jesuses"
         
two men
two practices
two faiths
one Jesus
         
one man
sinner
human
broken
alone
confused with life
seeks Jesus
asks for help
and forgiveness
still not perfect
far from
repents
and asks for forgiveness again
         
other man
successful
rich
leader
pastor
televangelist
gives false promises
to the poor
and steals their money
too good for you and me
too holy
too righteous
won't give you the time of day
unless you give him money
or shoot him with a television camera
         
two men
two practices
two faiths
one Jesus
no       
two Jesuses



"A Sick Joke"
         
when I die
   and am buried underground
my brain 
   will decompose and turn to dust
my head will finally be clear
   (except for the dust)
         
I won't be mentally ill anymore



"The Usher"

at church
the usher approaches me

USHER:   Hey Obadiah.  How are you doing?
obadiah:   Not good.  I just found out my friend was murdered last night.
USHER:   I'm sorry to hear that. (Pause) Can you remove your hat?  It's not
appropriate to wear it in church.



"#3 Psalm"
   
the LORD has left the temple
His presence no longer there
the LORD has left the temple
His people have rebelled
the LORD has left the temple
because His people have sinned
         
there is no temple
foreign armies have destroyed it
there is no temple
because of the Lamb of GOD's sacrifice
now we are the temples of GOD
         
I am a temple of GOD
the Holy Spirit dwells in me
I am a temple of GOD
but I rebel
I am a temple of GOD
but I sin
I am a temple of GOD
sometimes I fall away
         
oh LORD
please don't depart from this temple



"Vampire of Sin"

the vampire assails me
placing fangs into arteries 
of my neck
my soul drenching from my body
with each suck
taking me to the point of death
but not killing me
I am a vampire
         
I am dead
but I walk around
the lust in me grows stronger
the bondage to it
unbearable
I must feed
to satisfy my flesh
         
I am the undead
but I still can die
a cross
burns me
making me realize
the evil of my lust
my flesh wants to flee
but my soul wants to embrace
         
oh
but can I die to myself
to embrace it



"Industrial Beat"

lights flashing
music sounding
   with pulse of digital rhythm
the industrial beat is being broad casted 
   throughout the club
youth with distorted faces
   and twisted forms of dance
vent by gyrating
   to the heavy synthesizer
   and the angry voice
the drum machine
   echoes through their brains
while they dance their frustrations away
   with all their energy
each song
   a musical monotony for five minutes
and if that is not long enough
there is always another
   to follow it



"Gothic Band: Planet Earth"

the gothic band begins to play
gloomy music infiltrates the air
goths - with painted white faces
      and black make-up
      garbed in darkness
dance
   twisting and turning
   with their blank stares of hopelessness
         
the gothic band - planet earth
         
people inhabiting this ghostly sphere
sway
   to the melancholy rhythm of doom
rich
poor
east
west
nobody can escape the song of destruction
         
the band plays on
   the mourning of the newlywed bride
   in the loss of her husband
the band plays on
   the deterioration of the child
   who is starving to death in Africa
the band plays on
   bodies being wasted away
   because there is no cure for AIDS
the band plays on
   the silent screams 
   of the millions of aborted children
the band plays on
above the heavens
the GOD with the holes in his hands
crying
   because mankind would not listen to Him



"Disposable People"

Part 1
         
tired of the spouse
   get a divorce
children too much to handle
   try foster parents
unproductive
   fire them
parents getting too old
   take them to a nursing home
if an injury occurs
   let someone else take care of them
drop them off at the case manager's door
   and drive away
they're just disposable people
         
this will hurt them
   scar them for life
but that's OK
that's what Prozac and institutions are for
the old
the retarded
the sick
the young
the mentally ill
the poor
all disposable
         
but you
yes you
         
you will reap what you sow
one of these days
         
somebody will dispose of you

Part 2- GOD of the Disposable People
         
there is a GOD who searches through trash
for disposable people
the old
the retarded
the sick
the young
the mentally ill
the poor
He gathers unto Himself
         
but you
yes you
         
have disposed of Him too

Part 3 - The Undisposable
         
rejected
forgotten
here today, discarded tomorrow
we are the disposable people
an inconvenience to others
         
but there is a GOD of the disposable people
who loves us
who was also
   thrown away
   rejected
   forgotten
   discarded
was disposable
         
because He thought we weren't



(a poem about working in a mental health clinic and also having mental illness)

 in front of the clinic
    I hear her
         
 "I DON'T WANT TO
    I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE"
         
 a staff
    embarrassed
 "Shut up, you're going in"
         
 "I DON'T WANT TO
 I DON'T WANT MORE MEDS
 I DON'T WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE"
         
 paid staff, condescending tone
 "I don't care
 you're going to the doctor"
         
 "I DON'T WANT TO
 I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY
 I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY ANYMORE"
         
 and unheard to the rest
 my heart screams
    "I don't want to be crazy either"



"Oh Lord, Please Deliver Me from the Darkness"
        (another poem about my mental illness)
                 
         
darkness slides across the ceiling
shadows consume me
         
the darkness is coming for me



"Signs"
                 
strapped down
unable to move 
from the electric chair
the condemned murderer
looks out
and sees the sign
"Burn in hell!"
         
in front of the clinic
the scared, young woman 
notices the sign
"Baby Killer!"
         
at the capital
during the homosexual march
the couple 
confronted by the sign
"God made Adam and Eve
not Adam and Steve!"
         
on the streets of Mill ave
college and street kids
barraged by the sign
"For the wages of sin is death!"
         
signs
signs
everywhere
Christians holding signs
they say love the sinner
hate the sin
but all the people notice 
         
is signs



"The Jukebox"

man with crooked walk
leads me through mall
to Sears department store
         
the object of his intentions
         
a jukebox
   neon lights with bubbles of water inside
   and a roster of golden oldies
      that would make any nostalgic swoon
         
bony fingers
punches numbers
   3
   8
   7
-   La Bamba
         
Ritchie Valens lives again
"Baila la bamba..."
         
man with crooked walk
dances crookedly
   while letting out exclamation of joy
   "YEAH!"
         
right foot in - shake it
left foot in - shake it
right foot in - shake it
left foot in - shake it
         
patrons of Sears
   gawk
   point
   stare
   laugh
         
but can't
join in with the crooked walking man
dancing without caring
   what others think of him



"My First Hospitalization"
                 
depressed confused scared wanting to die the door is locked i can't get out of here the 
door is locked  i isolate myself in a corner i cry what am i doing here what am i doing 
in this place  they put me in the high intensity section i'm not high intensity there is 
no room on the other side nurses look through glass windows i think tv cameras watch us 
for suicide attempts they take my belt they take my keys they take shoestrings they take 
anything one might kill himself with in my room in my bed trying to sleep i'm scared i 
hear a woman screaming all night i can't get it out of my head i can't sleep how can you 
sleep when a woman screams all night there is a door there is a locked door i think it's 
the isolation room i think it's the restraint room i don't want to know i stay away from 
the room i want to watch tv i'm the only one at the tv i turn on my show another patient 
tells me to turn on the baseball game he's hospitalized for wanting to kill people he 
wants to hurt the doctor i change the channel i leave his area the attendants bring 
patients in wheelchairs to their rooms they are totally out of it they don't remember 
anything they got e.c.t.treatment they got shock treatment the doctor might want to shock 
me i hope the doctor doesn't shock me the doctor puts me on meds the doctor puts me on 
lots of meds i'm tired all the time i'm a zombie now i read wizard of oz books i want to 
escape to oz i want a tornado to take me away to oz i want a tornado to take me away 
from this hospital attendants ask me do i want communion i want communion i need 
communion a catholic brings the communion he won't let me take communion i'm not catholic 
i yell at the catholic how can he not let me take communion i'm a child of god the 
catholic tells me i can watch others take communion i yell at the catholic i run away 
from the catholic i want to cuss at the catholic i don't cuss i call my wife tell the 
pastor to bring me communion i need communion it's time to swim i want to swim i don't 
swim i watch the locked door i look out the tiny window of the locked door i want the 
pastor to come i want somebody from my church to come i want communion i need communion 
the pastor doesn't come nobody from the church comes i'm waiting for visitors to come 
nobody comes.



"No Name"
                
lying on the brick wall
next to the sidewalk
on mill ave
smoking a cigarette
         
requesting prayer
needing prayer
illusions in his head
delusions in his brain
         
confused, lost and lonely
possibly on a bad trip
or maybe psychotic
he doesn't know his name
         
he doesn't even know his name



"Blind Woman at the Library"
                 
the blind woman
at the library
white cane
with red tip
she walks straight ahead
         
sensing some in front of her 
she stops
neither moving
to left 
nor right
         
facing her
two high school girls
pretty
wearing the latest fashions
         
I hear them
"Why should we move out of the way?
She should move out of the way for us."



"Body on the Freeway"
                 
rush hour
driving home from work
three lanes from the right
         
what's that on the side of the road
a body on the freeway
a man
   looks homeless
his body broken
contorted
   like a rag doll
   thrown upon the ground
         
trying to pull over
but unable
it takes
another mile and a half 
   to do so
         
exasperated
I wonder to myself
        
"Why isn't anybody stopping?"



"The Angel"
(Hebrews 13:1-3)

ordering breakfast
at the McDonald's
one day 
         
I notice him
weathered
clothing soiled
body malodorous
hair unkempt
beard scraggly
and unshaven
         
I notice his feet
calloused
blackened by street walking
toenails unclipped
he doesn't have any shoes
my God he doesn't have any shoes
         
McDonald's employee
notices him too
finger pointing
to the door
"Out"
she commands
as one chastises
a disobedient dog
      
without complaint
without breakfast
without coffee
he leaves
he has money
but he leaves
        
hurriedly
I pay for my breakfast
running out the door
to get him food
to give him my shoes
I can't find him
he was just here
but I can't find him
         
looking around the corner
running around the building
nowhere to be found
where did he go
he was just ahead of me
but where did he go
        
why did I falter
why did I hesitate
why did I pay 
for my breakfast
instead of following earlier
why
oh why
        
this missed opportunity



"She Lives in Fear"

she doesn't check her mail
what if somebody mugs her
or she gets hit by a car
driving by
         
she doesn't walk down hallways
beams on the ceiling 
might fall
and crush her
         
she doesn't go out in the rain
it might rain on her
and when it rains
lightning might strike her
         
she isolates in her apartment
she doesn't go out
she doesn't have friends
she lives in fear



"My Former Friend"
                 
      I once had this friend.  He helped me move into my first apartment, the apartment 
that I would live in with my newlywed bride.  He said, "I helped you move.  Will you 
help me move?"  I said, "Sure."  A month later he told me he was moving.  I didn't take 
off work because I needed the work to pay the bills.  My friend got mad at me and said 
that he would do it by himself.  I felt bad about this, so I took work off to help him 
move, but it was too late, I already lost my friend.



"Doo Wah Diddy"
         
here comes the homeless man walking down the street
singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Day
asked me for change to get something to eat
singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Day
         
not doing good
not doing fine
he's going through some hard times



"Ad Libs"
         
        SORRY WE'RE NOT IN RIGHT NOW.  PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AND WE'LL GET BACK TO 
        YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
         
        BEEP
         
        Uh, hello (enter your name here).  This is (enter name of family member or 
friend you rarely talk to here).  Just calling to see how you're doing.  I know it's 
been a long time since I talked to you.  Say, can you do me a favor?  You know that 
company you work for, (enter name of company here)?  Can you get me an employee 
discount at (enter name of company here)?  It's actually not for me, but for (enter 
name of someone you don't know here).  Oh, I need an answer from you as soon as 
possible.  Give me a call.  I'm really looking forward to hearing from you.

 

"Flag at the Porn Store"
         
every flag
at half mast
to mourn 
the passing of a president
but look
there's one
flying high
bright and proud
in front of the porn store
not conforming
to the rest



(untitled)

on the street corner
you notice him
camouflage shirt
camouflage shorts
yellow pastel socks
almost up to the knees
feet clad in brown loafers
you notice him
screaming obscenities
at cars passing by
and cursing those
who are not there



"Target Practice"
         
it started early on
my freshman year
in high school P.E. class
         
at first 
I protested the harassment
but my upper body strength
was nothing
compared to his
grabbing my hair
he slammed my head 
against the ground
ONE
TWO 
THREE
I don't know
how many times
I thought he would kill me
leaving my brains
splattered on the ground
behind my head
         
and then
the spitting started
at my locker
getting dressed for class
he spit on me
         
I did nothing
         
my classmates
thought this funny
so another
joined the first
I the target
of their lugies
        
I thought it was over
but that was only the beginning
everyday
the intensity of the spitting
increased
        
others joined in
even classmates
weaker than I
joined in
        
soon
the upper class men
joined in
        
I felt
like it was raining
at my locker
         
this continued 
for weeks
and even months
everyday
five classes a week
         
the coach 
must have known about it
but
he never did
anything
         
it got so bad
I stopped washing my gym clothes
why bother
they'd just get 
spit on again
so the saliva
solidified
and bleached my attire
        
it stopped
during Christmas break
two weeks of respite
         
every day
I dreaded 
returning to P.E.
I would rather die 
than do so
and at that point
I didn't care
what they did to me
        
they would never
spit on me again



"Just Reminiscing"
         
freshman in high school
riding the bus
stealing glances at her
everyday
         
she - dirty-blond hair - wild with teasing
her face - perfect
her legs -firm
garbed in fish-net stockings
with holes ripped 
in just the right places
my hormones danced
every time I saw her
         
I loved her style
her fashion
think of a cross
between
a punk rock girl
and Madonna

(that is, Madonna's Desperately Seeking Susan phase)
         
everyday
the transport to high school 
was a ride of lust
when on the bus
she rode
       
one day
the bus stopped
a homeless man stepped on
garbed in army green
lugging a bag
of all his material possessions
         
forcefully
he walked
to the back 
of the bus
throwing his bag
on the last seat
before sitting down
         
and then 
she laughed
my dream girl
laughed
followed by laughs
of her entourage
         
you know
I didn't notice her much
         
after that



(untitled)
       
GOD
         
remember me
I used to talk to you
all the time
it's been awhile GOD
do You
want to talk again



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