"What They Said, What They Really Meant"
WHAT THEY SAID: Excuse me sir. We just want to let you know that you can't give out sandwiches on private property. You can only give them out over here on the sidewalk.
WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT: Excuse me. You are passing out sandwiches to these scum on private property. Although they are on the sidewalk, they are still on private property. Even though there is no sign saying "Private Property", or a line separating the public sidewalk from the private sidewalk, you handed out sandwiches on private property , because that part of the sidewalk is against the wall of the store, and the store is private property. We really don't want you passing out sandwiches on the public sidewalk, but we can't do anything about it because it's public property. You see, the Mill Avenue Merchants of Tempe, AZ really don't want street people on the sidewalks at all. It's bad for Tempe's image. They're dirty, filthy and disgusting. They loiter and ask the patrons for spare change. When you give sandwiches to street people, it just encourages them to keep coming here, when Tempe doesn't want them here at all.
"@#$%^&"
on Mill Ave
my 7-year old daughter
and I
walk
I
wearing black
a top hat
studded belt of black leather
Dickies shorts past my knees
argyle socks
Vans shoes
my daughter
garbed
in similar fashion
a car
of three college-aged
athletic looking men
passes by us
shouts of "faggots!"
hurled at us
my daughter
continues walking
unaware
of what
the word "faggot"
really means
"3 Journal Entries from the Psych Ward"
***********************************************
I just had dinner in the psych ward. Oh God, why am I here? Why has the depression consumed me? I feel like a bad Christian. Christians aren't supposed to be depressed.
*************************************************
On the orange couch at St. Luke's Hospital psych unit, I retreat. TVs blare everywhere as background noise. I can't stand the background noise, so I hide away in the corner. They talked about shock treatment at dinner. I hope that they don't give me shock treatment. I hear my Dr. likes to give shock treatment. I told my wife that on the phone and she cried. She doesn't want me to get shock treatment either.
*****************************************************
It just hit me. I'm locked up in here. I can't sleep next to my wife tonight. I can't hug and kiss my 6 year-old daughter and my little baby. I'm locked up.
"#21 Psalm"(inspired by 1 Kings 19)
fear permeates my soul
I feel
as if I am the only one
seeking shelter, running
to the broom tree
my body nourished
my thirst quenched
I journey to the cave
my body resting
my body sleeping
I am awakened
come into the presence of GOD
my will to live
is devastated
I am overwhelmed
death would be a comfort
to me
a storm
a mighty hurricane
of psychosis
and obsessive worries
attacks my mind
thunder erupts in my ears
but where is
the presence of GOD
an earthquake
shaking the foundation
of my being
my world is being rattled
out of control
but where is
the presence of GOD
an inferno
bright and burning
scorching my spirit
but where is
the presence of GOD
I press in
despite the storm
despite the tremor
despite the wildfire
I press in
GOD is larger
than my circumstance
I press in
amidst the turmoil
a quiet speaks
the world around me
dissipates
the quiet speaks loudly now
do you hear it
do you feel it
that voice
not the voice
I recognize in my head
when I think
but the voice of another
that quiet and comforting voice
here is the presence of GOD
I rest in the lap
of my ABBA
I talk, but sssshhhhhhh
when I talk, I can't hear
the quiet
the calming voice
speaking to me
loving me
outside
my world a chaos
but the quiet, calming voice
wrapping me in GOD's presence
protecting me
press in, press in
do you hear it
do you feel it
listen to the quiet
here is the presence of GOD
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